When a small thing became a big thing, I knew I was on the right track

A beautiful day in Sydney

This morning, Rafael woke up next to me in my bed, having crawled into bed with me in the middle of the night while his Daddy was working night shift.

I had already been awake for a little while, listening to little Florence chatting to herself in her cot in the next room.

I was watching Rafael sleep, when all of a sudden he rolled over, opened his eyes, looked at me and announced that it was morning and that it was time to wake up.

(How is it that kids always wake up so totally alert?!)

His next words were "Get up Mummy but don't look at your phone".

I was surprised and to be honest a little upset. In my mind, I hadn't looked at my phone in the morning for months and when I used to he had never said anything to me about it.

In response to my question about when I look at my phone in the morning he said, "to check the weather and I get bored. Don't check the weather".

He's right of course. I do check the weather on my phone every morning, particularly now that it's at that awkward time of year when it's freezing in the morning but it warms up during the day.

My weather check takes 30 seconds, if that, and so I had never really given it much thought.

It struck me that now that I am making a conscious effort not to use my phone in front of him, something as brief as the morning weather check must stand out to him.

It gives me heart in a way.

Whereas once upon a time the first thing I did in the morning was roll over and reach for my phone to check my Facebook account, now I make an effort not to use my phone at all in front of Rafael unless it is for something pressing, like looking up directions or making a necessary phone call. And when I do those things, I always tell him what I am doing.

Now he is my everything when he wakes.

He is who I see first (usually he's up before the baby and my husband).

He is who I hug and kiss first.

He is who I play with first.

So, those 30 seconds checking the weather seem to him like time away from him.

Depending on how we each use our phone, reducing it's use might seem like a big deal or a little deal.

Regardless of how challenging it was to me to stop it's excessive use, it is worth everything to know that my son knows that he is my focus when my day begins.

That's how children come to feel loved.

(I check the weather before I go to bed each night now)

~From my journal 9 May 2016

Eliminating Facebook

We all know it. Technology distracts us from what's important. We use it anyway, telling ourselves all sorts of things to make it alright.

For me, my biggest distraction was Facebook. My use of Facebook had become compulsive. It was like an itch that had to be scratched. I was constantly checking my phone. Even when I'd checked it only just before. I would get excited if there was even one new notification and if there was a new notification then I felt compelled to check it immediately. 

I checked Facebook while I was playing with Rafael. I checked Facebook while I was eating breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. I checked it while Rafael was in the bath. I checked it while watching television, doing the groceries, waiting at swimming lessons, standing in a line. 

I was on Facebook while we 'played' in this cubby

I would spend ages just scrolling through my feed, stopping to read something here, stopping to laugh at something there. 

When I actually stopped to think about what I was doing, what I thought about was what I wasn't doing.

I wasn't acting on my son's requests to play with him, because I was distracted by Facebook. 

I wasn't watching him show me his new bath trick, because I was distracted by Facebook.

I wasn't watching him learn to swim, because I was distracted by Facebook. 

Sometimes Rafael would even ask me to put my phone down and I would reply "in a minute".

Once, he hid my phone from me right before we were leaving, delaying us by 30 minutes while I frantically searched everywhere (it was under a pillow, in his rocket tent, in the family room) and I still didn't recognise what he was trying to tell me. 

Increasingly, though, I was coming to realise that Facebook was distracting me in a way that wasn't right. I knew that I was using my phone more than I should be and that it was interfering with my time with Rafael but I didn't really have the courage to do anything about it for a long time. 

Then one day, something clicked and I uninstalled Facebook from my phone. 

And it was the beginning of something great.

A little reminder about being present

Rafael and Florence holding hands in the living room

No matter how hard we try, we can’t always be present in the moment all the time.

The mind wanders. We’re human.

My mind wanders a lot. It always has. Controlling its wandering is, and probably always be, a challenge for me.

It is so easy to start thinking about the groceries, the dishes that need doing or the laundry that needs folding. Even just day dreaming about that nap that it would be lovely to take.

And that’s ok. Sometimes I need to remind myself that it is natural for the mind to wander.

But every now and again I am sent a little reminder about how important it is to try to remain present in the moment, particularly in those moments that I am spending time with my children.