Eliminating Facebook

We all know it. Technology distracts us from what's important. We use it anyway, telling ourselves all sorts of things to make it alright.

For me, my biggest distraction was Facebook. My use of Facebook had become compulsive. It was like an itch that had to be scratched. I was constantly checking my phone. Even when I'd checked it only just before. I would get excited if there was even one new notification and if there was a new notification then I felt compelled to check it immediately. 

I checked Facebook while I was playing with Rafael. I checked Facebook while I was eating breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. I checked it while Rafael was in the bath. I checked it while watching television, doing the groceries, waiting at swimming lessons, standing in a line. 

I was on Facebook while we 'played' in this cubby

I would spend ages just scrolling through my feed, stopping to read something here, stopping to laugh at something there. 

When I actually stopped to think about what I was doing, what I thought about was what I wasn't doing.

I wasn't acting on my son's requests to play with him, because I was distracted by Facebook. 

I wasn't watching him show me his new bath trick, because I was distracted by Facebook.

I wasn't watching him learn to swim, because I was distracted by Facebook. 

Sometimes Rafael would even ask me to put my phone down and I would reply "in a minute".

Once, he hid my phone from me right before we were leaving, delaying us by 30 minutes while I frantically searched everywhere (it was under a pillow, in his rocket tent, in the family room) and I still didn't recognise what he was trying to tell me. 

Increasingly, though, I was coming to realise that Facebook was distracting me in a way that wasn't right. I knew that I was using my phone more than I should be and that it was interfering with my time with Rafael but I didn't really have the courage to do anything about it for a long time. 

Then one day, something clicked and I uninstalled Facebook from my phone. 

And it was the beginning of something great.

The life changing effect of decluttering

A funny thing happened as I emptied my house of all the objects that were extraneous to my life and kept only those things that added value to my life.

The house remained tidier.

Items went back into their own spaces.

Junk stopped accumulating.

Things stopped getting lost – I haven’t lost my keys since I started this decluttering process. Not once (every time I think about that I feel like I need to pause just to really appreciate how incredible that is).

Why?

There’s less stuff to start with. Everything has its own spot now so when it goes away it goes where it belongs, not just where a random spot can be found for it. Because it’s so much easier to put things away, I am much more inclined to take those few extra steps and put things away. I am more inclined to ask my son to put his toys away before bed and make sure that he follows through. The various surfaces throughout the house don’t attract miscellaneous clutter like they used to because everything has a place to go.

I have learnt that stuff attracts stuff. Clutter attracts clutter. If I leave a little dish out on the bookcase for keys and wallet to go into, then somehow it will also attracts, bits of paper, screws, pegs and a lot of other random things.

I may not have finished, but already I can see the results.

I feel better.

I am more relaxed.

I am happier.

I am less overwhelmed.

I am no longer trying to escape the messy house and I am no longer constantly tidying a messy house. 

Cutting out the excess stuff in my home has significantly improved my state of mind and sense of wellbeing. It is worth taking a moment to really think about how much impact our environment can have on our mind and our body.

More time to spend with these two

With less stuff and a tidier home, I have more time to spend with my family. I can say yes to that puzzle or that game of Baby Chewbaccas (my son’s current favourite make believe game) because there isn’t 13 entire loads of washing to be folded or a floor that needs to be cleared of flotsam and jetsam before we can play.

With this first step, my life began to change. I started to think what other distractions were preventing me from spending time with my family. Not just time, quality time. With the increased time with my family, I really began to notice how much of that time I was actually spending on my phone and not paying attention to those that are important to me. I started thinking about what lessons I was teaching my children, what lessons I wanted to teach my children.

A tidy house was my first step. That first step lead me down a path I never expected, a path to figuring out how to really engage with my husband and my children and really, with life. All it took was that first step. Everyone can take a first step. Who knows where it will lead. 

My first step - declutter

The book that started everything

Shortly after my mother-in-law’s death I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. It was all the rage and when I saw the title of the book I immediately thought “that’s for me”.

At the time I read it, I didn’t really connect my desire to read the book with the bigger picture stuff that I had been thinking about.

I just knew that I felt as though I was drowning in an overwhelming mess at home and that I wanted to do something about it.

The book was small and easy to read. I finished it off quickly and immediately got to work.

Marie Kondo’s premise was simple: tidy big, tidy once (over a maximum 6 month period) and never have to tidy again. I was skeptical, but I was ready to give it a go. Her system is this:

• Declutter a single category at a time: clothes, books, paperwork, komono (miscellaneous everything else) and sentimentals.
• Complete each category before moving on to the next
• Hold each belonging in each category in your hand and ask yourself “does this spark joy”? If it does not, discard it in whatever manner is most suitable
• Make a space for everything else and ensure that you always replace the belonging in that space

“Awesome”, I thought. I can do that.

I started with my own clothes and soon I had four bags for donation and two bags for the rubbish.

Slowly slowly I began working my way through the rest of the house and the categories.

Paperwork, which I was dreading, really wasn’t as bad as I was expecting (although two months after completing that category I still haven’t got around to the shredding).

Toys, on the other hand, was not only as bad as I had envisaged, it was worse.

I still have a long way to go. I have completed most of the major categories but I still have some of the miscellaneous category to complete (like DVDs, CD’s, random cables etc) and the sentimental items.

But I immediately began to see the results. I started to feel more relaxed. I had less work to do, more time to myself.

With this first step my life began to change and I began to look for even more ways I could change my life.

My first step was about stuff. Excess possessions. Decluttering.

Yours might be about technology. Less time at work. Doing one thing at a time.

We all have to take a first step to get started and it might just change your life.