A Full World

My full world

Today I was playing in the backyard with Rafael. He fell over playing football and grazed his arm on the sandstone. He was very upset but we had a big cuddle and came inside to wash the dirt and blood off and put a really big waterproof bandaid (he calls it a bandage) on it.

Then we went back outside to keep playing.

At first he said that he wanted to keep playing but shortly thereafter he very gravely informed me that we needed to go to the house of some friends of ours to play on their grass. I explained that our friends were at work.

“What about Tia and Tata’s house?” he asked (his Aunt and Grandfather). I gently explained that they were at work too.

“Can Daddy come home from work?” he asked. I told him that most of our grown up friends and family worked during the week but that I am home to look after him and his sister and I can play with him.

At this, Rafael had a little break down. My sensitive little boy who looks for new friends no matter where we go, started crying big wet tears. As he gulped in big mouthfuls of air between sobs he said, “but my world will be empty” and began to cry even harder.

But my world will be empty.

It was a heartbreaking moment but at the same time it was an eye opening moment. A hopeful moment. A comforting moment. A teaching moment.

In that one sentence, my son showed me his heart.

His world is made up of the people that he loves.

Magic.

I was able to take him onto my knee, cuddle him and whisper into his ear that no matter where our family and friends are they love him very much and that as long as they love him and he loves them, his world will always be full. A teaching moment.

I don’t really know to what extent he understood my meaning but he did start to calm down. Slowly he started to calm down and he gave me a quiet “oh” which looked and sounded like relief.

It comforts me to think that he gets his sense of place in the world from the people that he loves.

It gives me hope that his foundation seems rooted in people rather than things, regardless of the fact that my previous distraction could easily have given him a different idea.

It makes me feel grateful that I have started to live a less distracted life. That I didn’t have my phone in my hand while we were playing. That I wasn’t reading a book or just waiting for our game to end so that I could get back to the housework.

I was outside playing with Rafael. I was in the moment, focused on him and because of that I got to have a special moment with my son and to understand something about him and how he sees his place in the world. How lucky I am to have had that moment and to have made the most of it for both of us. 

Written on 15 April 2016